Always Be A Work In Progress

This post is inspired by a recent video from hellokaty, this video has pretty much  said how i've been feeling in different circumstances but a little similar too. Growing up i thought i would have my life together by the time i'm 20 years old and the truth is i don't. I'm still figuring out the things that make me happy, my dream career and how i want my life to be .

Society & Everyone else expect you to have your life together and you worry what the world thinks of you - your not pretty enough, not smart enough.. everything becomes too much that the cracks become bigger and wider. you start screaming as loud as possible but no one hears you. At 13-14 thinking you will have your life together, not worries in the world, looking forward to planning your dream career etc and now at 20 years old, i wish i was that innocent young, struggling to fit in the world and now i couldn't be more confused

I've been pretty hard on myself, i thought i was hiding it pretty well, i've been feeling overwhelmed that i need to be more productive, i need to do this & that - i never feel like i'm doing enough to better myself and my future. I don't understand why i feel like i do, the need to be better, to be smarter, to be prettier and it's kinda society's fault as cliche it sounds. we always blame ourselves and sometimes it's easier to blame society. Society has been like this invisible beast that overshadows you and to turn you even more insane.

As we're growing up we get told/or taught that we're suppose to have something on the agenda, my feet are moving but i'm not going anywhere and i don't know what i'm doing, i don't know what i want to do. I know i want to be happy, to be doing something i love whatever that maybe. But i just feel the need to have everything in line because everyone is doing something better, being better and most days i just don't care, i want to hide away until i can breath and feel better.

I need to follow my passions & interests, i need to do what i find joy in, i want to help people, i want to inspire people and yet i can't figure myself out.

Thinking about it last night, why do i need to have everything in order, everything in ticked off because it's not important to have everything in line, it will happen when it happens. Life just scares me sometimes like most days i feel like i can take on the world and the rest i feel like i'm not something to consider. Because i'm not treating myself i how i deserve to be treated, i need to love myself, trust myself, be myself including on the days i just don't want to bother yet i'm feeling the need to be better, to be what people want me to be.

I forget what it's like to be this young, to have this energy, this pressence in this world and the only i feel content with right now is my blog which is silly to be honest.

I'm always looking at people i admire like my mum, Demi Lovato and Katy Bellotte etc.. Yet i can't look at myself and feel inspired, nothing makes sense, everything is confusing. I haven't been setting goals for myself to personal achievement like being genuinely happy (which i have been till the last few weeks) when everything became too much, i lost control, i think i forgot what makes me happy, what my passions are, what makes me grateful. We don't know where we're going, where life is gonna take us. 

Sometimes we forget to do this for ourselves, living life for us. What makes us excited to wake up in the morning, what makes us tick. I want to create & inspire, i love the beauty in different things, i love pretty things, i love my dog, my family, i love disney animation, i love many different things and thats what i should focus my energy on, the things i'm interested in, the things that make me happy.

We're gonna look back at our lives when we're 80, and it's our choice to live life being happy and being completely ourselves, doing what we love or we can look back on life with regret. And i think i need to take my own advice and be my first supporter, be myself because i am enough, i am good enough and i am doing more than enough.

Depression just swallows you whole and it's hard to breath, finding the strength to take control is worthwhile, it is worth everything, we are enough as we are, we don't need to have it all together - even the best fall down sometimes.

I don't need to have everything checked, i don't need to have everything in line. I am still learning and growing, i need to learn more about me. I am still writing my story and i'm in charge of it. We expect school's teach us about life, how to survive, how to be you, how to be great etc.. We learn as we go, we learn about ourselves and thats something school's can't teach. If we don't know who we are, how are we gonna live with ourselves for however many years.

Let yourself be happy, don't put yourself through more stress and hurt, you don't deserve it. You need to remember and understand that we are all human and you are not perfect.... no one is.... there is no such thing as perfection. We need to learn how to embrace vulnerability and let people in. I'm sure there are people around us to help if we just open up to them. We should embrace our emotions, insecurities and fears, accept when we're feeling down. Pretending that we're okay when we're not, will only make things worse. Let your emotions be, it's okay. Take time for yourself and everything will fall into place, You are important and you are worthy. Exactly as you are. Don't forget to be your first supporter.
As the song the says Don't Be So Hard On Yourself

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